abundant living and the smell of happy

I feel very tired right now and like I want to go to bed so I can get up in time to eat some Special K before work tomorrow. I don't think I've told anyone about my blog, and I wonder if I will because if I know other people are reading it then I still won't be myself. We'll see.

I don't know how to express the things that I am feeling right now. Actually, I rarely know how to express the feelings I have. All I know is that almost daily I become frustrated with people who don't see the beauty in life. They are too busy lamenting their debts (which are in most cases avoidable if they would live within their means, realize that our lives don't have to look like the movies, and in fact shouldn't if our true goal is contentment), making fun of some people and what poor taste they have, and comparing themselves to others whose taste they wish they had.

"It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is."
-Desiderius Erasmus

The best part of my day was when I was riding my bike to work. It was a beautiful morning. I waved to all of my neighbors who were out doing yard work or playing with their kids. The air whisked through my hair like breeze through an open window playfully blows its draperies. And I had just eaten Special K, which always makes me feel very excited. Then I rang my little bell, parked my bike, and went to spread contentment through the office. You can never beat those moments like this one; the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, every leaf on every tree was green, every flower was perfectly in bloom, and every cloud was puffier than cotton candy. I could even smell the happiness. God is good.

I think this is why I'm so drawn to documentaries. The 'manifesto' regarding the Fit for the Kingdom project explains the aims of documentary film making so poetically (please read this even thought it's long):

• To portray and appreciate ordinary people in their ordinary circumstances, to the end that we do not mistake fantasy for reality, celebrity for substance, escapism for anxious engagement; to affirm that in enduring to the end and embracing the everyday we will find the key to and see the patterns of our improvement and exaltation.
• To lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees, to ensure that the seats and centers of power provide means through which the silent can speak and the obscure be acknowledged; to create through such exchanges the compassion and the conscience and the humility that counter pride and leaven privilege, that the teacher may learn and the learner may teach, that equality and mutual edification be our aim and our ultimate accomplishment.
• Though our concentration on everyday lives will sometimes seem only to prove that man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards, though our best attempts to succor or share will often founder or even fail, documentary demonstrates that tribulation is a blessed lot, because it is only in passing through it that we find transcendence.

Celebrity is not substance. How can I one day teach my kids this? I'm not sure, but I intend on it.

Why do people buy brand new cars when their current ones work just fine and almost 16,000 children die each day from starvation? Does that make sense to you? Why would I buy these shoes from Steve Madden for $109.95 when I could get these at Target for $24.99 while some people in our own country, in our own cities even, can not afford shoes for their families? You might argue that the Steve Maddens are leather or better quality, but let me assure you that those shoes will go out of style long before you wear them out. Living excessively is not the same as living abundantly. The abundant life comes from a provident life mixed with a broken heart, a contrite spirit, and a touch of prayer.

I don't care who you support for president or what kind of car you drive, the fact is that the Savior won't quiz us on how many co-stars Ben Affleck dated or whether or not Hannah Montana was a good influence on our children. Instead he will ask us if we made everyone we met along our way feel like co-stars themselves (including the people who sold us our magazines, the people who sleep on magazines, and the people we catch on less happy-smelling days), or whether or not we were a good influence on our children. If we weren't it will be too late to blame Hannah Montana. I mean Miley Cyrus. Whatever, that situation is weird.

I'm going to go to bed. Maybe I'll come back later and put some pictures in this post. MAYBE. If you're lucky (and you probably will be).

Chae

p.s. I know it's trivial, but something has been bugging me. my old boyfriend hasn't attempted to contact me in over a week. That wouldn't be weird if we hadn't talked pretty much every day before that since we broke up. I wish he thought I was worth a little more of his time. Granted this has been a very busy week for him, but he knows I'm stranded here alone. At least he would if he listened. I wish I didn't fall so hard that time, for that guy, in that way, and I wish I could get over it as fast as he has. I can't wait until I meet my Prince Charming who sees my worth, cherishes me, and shows me what I deserve without me asking. I hope it will happen one day. It doesn't need to be soon, just one day. Until then I will keep making the Savior my best friend and stop letting satan tell me that I'm not good enough to be missed. I know I am. And one day I'll start believing me.

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. "
-CS Lewis