boys and girls and dating and how (not to) do it

I think I should start a dating advice column. I'm so good at it!

I'm pretty sure it's evidence of my pride and self-righteousness that I think I can look at a situation as a third party and think that I know better how to fix or handle the problem. But for some reason, it works.

There are clear 'rules' or 'principles' that we constantly violate as we are trying to impress and read one another. We violate these because, as Elder Oaks has said, everyone thinks ("knows") that they are the exception.

I am in no way suggesting that something as simple as 'dating rules' are absolute truth. However, there is truth in the idea that we are all more alike than we think. But not you, right? you're not like everyone else. You're the exception! false.


Exhibit A:

Girl from my ward, we'll call her Sarah.
Boy from my ward, we'll call him Chad.

Sarah is always at Chad's house. Sarah talks about Chad. Sarah is clearly into Chad.

Today at church, I see Sarah. We are in a situation where it is tactful to inquire of the nature of her relationship with Chad. So I do. We are around a few other people, and she says things like "no way!" "Chad and I are just friends, nothing else!" "I go out of my way to make sure everyone knows that Chad and I are just friends...you know...buddies!"

Then I begin to offer my opinions regarding how much time she is wasting being "just friends" with Chad and how lame it is when people are "just friends" because at our age (unfortunately) that is virtually impossible. (If you think you are "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex you are fooling yourself. Also, FYI, you are NOT the exception.)

Soon after, Sarah pulls me aside and reveals that she has been in love (!) with Chad for a year and a half (!!!) but he is not interested in her at all. How many 'no-no' buzzers can ring at one time?!

Here are the problems:
1. Being best friends with a boy.

• I know I already addressed this. The essence of the problem is that we (Myself, Sarah, Chad, everyone else in my ward...most people at BYU...) want to get married. That's why we date. So we can find someone to marry. So, if you are spending time with someone and you know it's not headed in the direction of pairing off and becoming a couple, then you are wasting your time and theirs. Also, if you are definitely not interested in the other person but you just like spending time with them, and they are fine with that, then they're probably way into you or they will be soon. In this equation, both parties will NEVER remain constant in their lack of romantic feelings toward each other. Ever. You are not the exception. I am not the exception. Chad is clearly not the exception either.
  

2. Hanging out at Chad's house:

• Girls should not make it a habit to 'hang out' at a boys' apartment. There are many many many many many many many many many many reasons for this. The one I will make mention of here is specifically for Sarah and her situation. If Chad gets to have her around with no effort on his part, why would he change anything?
• LEAVE. There is truth to Joni Mitchell's lyrics "you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone." Sarah needs to let Chad miss her a little. Chances are he will notice the void and realize that he likes Sarah and wants her around more. Then he will be a man about it.

3. lack of MOD:

• In the dating world there is too much intentional mis-leading. People think they are playing the game well when they pretend they are too busy or don't call back right away...blah blah blah. Women use so many half truths to play 'hard to get.' The fact is that we need to be hard to get. Become happy with yourself, fill your life with things that you love, have goals, and work toward them. Being (not playing) hard to get makes you an MOD: Moving Object of Desire. There is a thrill in the chase. I get it; I watch Cops.

Dating isn't as hard or as complicated as most of us think. If you think it is, you're doing it wrong. Please e-mail me at chaechaedating@gmail.com if you think I am wrong.

If you really do want some dating advice you should e-mail me too! For some reason people come to me. They ask me these things. I didn't ask for it, but I love it. And through these experiences, I have become wise. It's a big, scary world out there, but it's full of good people. Good Luck daters!