I served a mission for the LDS church. I wore the black nametag and the frumpy clothes and knocked on doors and did all of the things. It was hard. Every day was hard.
It was also the most incredible experience of my life. I treasure my mission more than I could ever express. No, actually, I treasure it more than I care to express. I don't need anyone else to know how much I loved my mission. And to share things so singular would only devalue the experiences in my heart.
As a funny, hip, cool, pretty and intelligent young woman who loves God I now have some things to say about girls serving LDS missions.
(If you're not Mormon, this is a warning that my intended audience is composed of those who already understand the many cultural phrases and references that come with being a member of the LDS church. Please keep reading, but do so expecting this and knowing that an LDS mission is very different from a "mission trip" planned and experienced by many other Christian denominations).
Before, during and after my mission I've had this saying, "sister missionaries are the worst." Before my mission I would say it because the RMs I knew told lots of horror stories about sisters they'd served with, and then the few times we had sister missionaries serving in my local congregation at least one of them seemed to lack adequate social skills. During my mission I would mainly say it to make people laugh because it was ironic. Now, nearly 2 years after my mission, I still say it sometimes. I say it with more trepidation, but I still kind of mean it. I'll try to explain why, and then I have a few things to say to young women considering full-time missionary service and the young men with whom they associate.
As I look back on my mission, I realize that I was depressed during much of it. It is known that missionary work is stressful but it isn't often considered that most coping strategies used by people under stress are not acceptable activities as a missionary. If you're having a hard day on the mission you can't go watch TV, call a friend or family member, take a nap, or even get some alone time. I ended up turning to food, leading to weight gain that I'm still struggling to eliminate completely. I had more than one companion being treated for mental health disorders and spent quite a bit of time in the waiting rooms of therapists and doctors.
I think many women believe on a subconscious level that serving a mission will fix current or persistent problems in their lives. Rest assured, it will not. In fact, I believe full-time missionary service often augments personal struggles more than it helps them. We often don't delve into our subconscious desires or beliefs when considering serving a mission. We cannot discount the promises and stories we've heard about those whose lives and whose family's lives have been blessed by their missionary service and I think this creeps into our subconscious, making it an attractive way to eliminate problems. (Rarely, by the way, do we hear about the assuredly more common times someone's dad still wasn't a member when they got home or, in my case, someone's brother who left the church completely while they were gone).
This isn't to say that missionary work doesn't bring an abundance of blessings. But so does keeping the commandments. Or being a good parent. Or magnifying your calling or temple worship or befriending a supposed outsider (to name a few).
Back to the matter at hand. Unlike men, of whom full-time missionary service is obligatory, we get to choose whether or not we go. It is the noblest and worthiest of causes; a good thing. Because of this, the question posed to oneself and then to God is almost always "should I go?" instead of the more productive "what are the reasons I want to go?" I promise that a thorough and honest examination of the motives behind a desire to be a full-time proselyting missionary will, if nothing else, be an effective time for you to analyze your current life-state and apply personal revelation.
Now, the things I wish I could tell every girl who tells me she wants to, or is considering being, a missionary.
1. If you don't have a desire to serve a mission there is nothing wrong with you.
2. Graduation, disenchantment with your current life situation, a break-up or boredom are not reasons to be a missionary. It is not a "why not?" decision. "Why not?" decisions apply to snow cone flavors, pottery classes and pretty much any Forever 21 purchase. Just because a mission is a good thing doesn't mean it's the thing for you. Can I repeat that? In bold? Just because a mission is a good thing doesn't mean it's the thing for you.
3. I know that even though everyone says there is no pressure on 18-25 year old LDS girls to be missionaries, there totally is. And while men have a different, even prophetic, pressure upon their shoulders, the pressure for girls exists. I don't know how to get rid of it, but I wish so badly that you didn't feel it. I'd like to tell you to ignore it but you likely can't.
Part of this pressure is self-promoted because you don't want to feel like you're missing out on something. The RM club is pretty cool...most of them know another language, all of them quote from Preach My Gospel during Sunday School, they teach at the MTC and know the difference between a District Leader and a Zone Leader and talk about their companion's gnarly bike wreck and that crazy investigator's pet snake that didn't have a cage. Can I please remind you that these experiences aren't necessary for salvation. Or even exaltation! They're also not necessary for, nor do they guarantee, a happy life. You already knew that. But they still sound like fun, right?
Think of it this way. I had a car in high school. Did you? Lots of kids had cars in high school, but lots of kids didn't. The thing is, we all went to parties and dances and eventually graduated. Some kids may have stayed at school more often during lunch hour, but their experiences were different, not better.
Do you want cool stories to tell? Make your life cool. Join a band or get into spelunking or study abroad. Don't go on a mission for the stories. And remember, for every cool mission story there's about 80 boring ones and 5 heartbreaking ones. Those just don't get told because they're not real crowd-pleasers.
4. Missionary work can be done without a nametag. In fact, the current missionaries are desperate for the help. I've read TONS of emails from missionaries fresh from the MTC in their first area saying "I wish we had more people to teach." Little do those missionaries realize, their entire mission will be filled with that sentiment. You've heard in church that it's not the missionaries' job to find people to teach, it's their job to teach the people you find. How many people have you introduced the missionaries to?
I wish I could tell you how many times we needed a member to come to a lesson with us and couldn't find anybody so we had to reschedule or change the format. I wish I could tell you how many times per week we needed help getting an investigator from one place to another (missionaries can't drive people around) and no one in the ward was available. If I'm going to be totally honest, the ward members love to feed you dinner but most of them just don't prioritize helping in other ways. There are a myriad of other things you can do to help the missionaries that they just can't do with a nametag on.
To me, it seems almost silly to add yourself to the full-time missionary force when they're already so starved for help from our side. If there weren't people here in the factories during World War II, the men abroad would have nothing to fight with which would make them pretty ineffective, don't you think?
I believe that you could do as much good (remember, a different type of good, but good nonetheless) as a full-time missionary if you were to dedicate 5-10 hours per week to really helping those who are already name-tagged. I also believe that doing that is harder than being a full-time missionary. Regardless, the fact remains that we need more Rosie the Riveters.
5. My mission was great but it was not necessary. If you have a boyfriend that you think you could marry, stop thinking about going on a mission. Ride the relationship out. Missions aren't necessary, families are. I know sometimes you want to have both and you see other people have both and it's great. But as the Rolling Stones have taught us, you can't always get what you want. I cherish my mission. I cherished my car in high school. Neither are necessary for a happy life and neither are necessary to get your life from point A to point B.
When I hear about girls who have boyfriends or break off engagements to serve missions I am mystified. Do they understand the most fundamental gospel truths? I'm really not sure that they do.
I'm sure that, just like those rare instances of couples who made promises to each other in the pre-earth life, there are those special cases of women who really "should" go on missions. I doubt most of us are one of them.
Finally, to the men who associate with these girls.
1. Stop saying things like "I always imagined myself marrying an RM," or "I like the idea of having that common experience to share." First, that's ridiculous. Second, these girls hear you loud and clear and if you read my #3 above, maybe you can start to see that adds pressure. You will not die if your wife wasn't a full-time missionary. In fact, I don't think much of anything will change. As a friend to many girls who are both RMs and mission-free, I can promise that spiritual maturity is not something guaranteed by missionary service and elevated spiritual understanding is not a gift bestowed only upon those girls who have a black nametag somewhere in their scripture case. I am constantly impressed by young women 3-4 years my junior who teach me things I've never considered, and I've read the entire standard works, PMG and the missionary library! Stop saying it. Maybe consider what you really mean or want when you say it. Then, say that instead.
2. Don't enable girls to go on missions so much. If they have their calls, ask them out. If they're considering going and you really like them, work harder. Don't say you're going to support her no matter what she decides if you actually want to date her. If your girlfriend wants to go, don't tell her you'll wait for her.
I know what Joseph Smith said. I know that "after all that has been said the greatest and most important duty is to preach the Gospel." I know this. I also know that a full-time mission is NOT the only way to preach the gospel. I also know that Jesus is coming back soon. If we are to take part in this great gospel work forever, let's get everyone going through the plan of salvation. Then let's be the type of member missionary we prayed for on the mission while you raise your own army of little gospel preachers with your equally important, equally spiritual and equally exalt-able wife.
I truly believe that a lifetime member missionary family can do more than two RMs ever did.
These are my feelings, do with them what you will.
Peace and love,
Chaela
45 comments:
I'm glad that you're an RM writing this or else I would be livid. I agree with some of this, and disagree with more. I think that more than anything, future missionaries need to be prepped on what they're getting themselves into, not discouraged from going. Guys have a hard time on missions to, not just girls. Girls will vocalize their problems more (bringing the adage "sister missionaries are the worst" upon themselves. #thingsmysociologydegreetaughtme. i could talk all day about sisters vs. elders. Maybe when we talk about *that other thing* then we can discuss this controversial issue as well. xoxo
I love this. I love you.
I wholeheartedly agree with you after going through a lengthy and sometimes heart wrenching decision-making process.
It's true that serving a mission won't necessarily make you a better person than someone who didn't and it's sad that some girls pass by amazing opportunities thinking they are doing what's "right".
At the same time I think there are many girls who have their hearts open to the possibility of marriage but like you said the guys are not stepping up and not showing enough commitment which makes me wonder is this relationship worth staying for... Thus we go back to square 1: "To go or not to go?"
But loved how you shared your thoughts
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! What it boils down to is big decisions like a mission and long term relationships have to be a matter of deep and continued prayer and fasting. You cant get your answer from anyone else.
Noah told me that if I went on a mission he wouldn't wait for me. So I married him. :) By the way he says he likes you and thinks you're funny.
What a great blog post. I served a mission and it was an incredible experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I felt guilty after returning that I didn't feel the need or want to encourage other girls to go but wasn't sure why and this blog post pretty much sums up why. I am actually grateful that I felt a little bit of pressure to go otherwise I would have never gone and for me it was right to go. But I also wanted to go ( although I never knew how hard it would be. I don't think anyone really knows how hard it is til they get there. ) I have two amazing older sisters who chose not to serve missions even though they weren't dating anyone. I am still trying to catch up to them spiritually. I love that you said men should not wait for sisters to serve missions and I whole heartedly agree. I pretty much agree with everything except the title :) There were some amazing sister missionaries in my mission...there are always good and bad of both sisters and elders, so sure sisters can be the worst but they can also be hands down the best--if they went for the right reasons :) I think the most important thing is for sisters not to feel guilty if they don't go. Thanks for your thoughts.
The most important thing to remember is that serving a mission is a personal choice that is between someone else and God. It is not our job to question their motives...or their readiness...or if they are suitable. Different personalities touch different people's hearts. We may think a certain sister is a total basket case, but maybe something she said intrigued an investigator. We may think another sister missionary shouldn't have left a guy she was dating seriously...maybe going on a mission was the answer to having misgivings about a relationship. This is a well written and thoughtful post, but it's important to remember that sisters and elders both struggle sometimes. It doesn't make them any less qualified for the work.
Well said! I hope that everyone male and female alike takes this to heart. You have very insightful and well thought out comments.
I love you. Lots. I was told by someone I was dating that they would "love to marry an RM" and that "it was an experience he would love to share" (is that where you got it? :) )I have felt lots of pressure "oh, wait. you're 21 and not married? and you're not serving a mission because.... why?" I feel like we live in culture that presents very real amounts of pressure for decisions that are very personal and between you and the Lord. It is no one's responsibility but His to tell you that you need to serve a mission. I agree with lots of the comments above. If the relationship doesn't feel right, however, a mission shouldn't necessarily be the place to run to. Each individual has their own reasons and revelations and ability to receive promptings and follow them. That's personal.
Sis McDonald,
Nice thoughtful writing. Thank you dearly for your service in Champaign Stake.
Sincerely,
Kingsley Allan
I agree with basically everything written in this bog post. And I wouldn't care if you hadn't served a mission, Chaela, because you're both using your brain, and speaking from the heart. Not livid at all. After all, by the numbers, having children stabilizes marriages faster than being RMs does. [Conner, do you even lift, bro? #thingsthatAPPLIEDsociologywillschoolyouonson]
The saying while I was serving a mission ['99-'01] was "Every sister missionary is running away from something. The question is not whether or not she is truly running away, but from WHAT or WHOM?"
I especially agree that guys, particularly in Happy Valley, need to shut up about the whole 'shared experience' thing. I'm sure I personally dropped a few comments that tipped the scale for several young sisters to decide to go on a mission, and I'm sure they've made the most of their lives because of it, so no tears to shed there: Missions are one of the best classrooms a young person can have outside of the military- plus no one shoots at you! But I probably should have taken more of a "You don't have to do this if you don't feel truly moved to do it, you know. I'd respect whatever decision you made at this point in your life." kind of approach.
Most importantly, I'm satisfied that my wife, who never felt the urge to serve a full time mission, is a whole, interesting, and sometimes even more insightful person than if she had served a mission, based on her other life experiences. I like that I'm forced to explain why I think certain personal scripture study routines are a good thing- I can't just take for granted that she's going to have internalized the same mission-rule dogma that I have, and it makes me a better, more understanding husband because of it.
My issue with this essay/article is not that you are incorrect about your subject. It's simply that you don't acknowledge that young women who have sought inspiration, and received the answer that a mission is God's plan for them, need to do that. Not something else. Not get married to the first guy who they could see themselves marrying. In fact, would you not agree that there is no better marriage prep than mission prep? I'm about to go serve a full time mission, and trust me when I say if the spirit hadn't told me to go many times, I would be doing anything but going on a mission. It's not for everyone, but if it is for someone than why would you want to persuade them to stay? Also, isn't the point of a mission to become like Christ, and bring people unto him? I personally believe that my mission will be infuriatingly hard. I fully expect it to be the most difficult thing I've ever done. I expect companions I can't stand, who think they are on vacation and won't do the work. I also expect to have a greater love for people I meet, and who I serve. I expect to grow closer to God. I guess my main issue with your article is you give blanket advice to every single girl considering/going on a mission, without ever conceding that some have been called to serve. I don't desire to offend anyone or come off as rude in my comment, just want to say what I feel.
Chaela! :D Do you tell the mission story of me yelling your name at you? haha.
I agree with you about the typical stress relief stuff being against mission rules and that that can be a problem -- I actually heard that preached from the pulpit once and I think it's something prospective missionaries and their parents HAVE to prepare for because, eesh!
Love what you said about 5-10 hours a week being as effective as but harder than serving full time, and I think you are spot on with that.
I pretty much am right on with everything you said. Certainly with the overall idea(s) stated.
I would, however, like to point out one fallacy: "Unlike men, of whom full-time missionary service is obligatory, we get to choose whether or not we go."
That's just flat incorrect. Men are not required to serve missions. Membership in the kingdom and a place on the records of the Church are not forfeit by not serving a mission. Even if the good brother is not "honorably excused" from service for medical/psychiatric/other reasons.
There are myriad reasons a young man may not have served a mission. That doesn't make him any less righteous, fit for marrying, or anything else. That's another stigma and pressure that is wrongfully upheld in the church.
There's certainly a greater responsibility for young men to serve full-time missions. But, as you point out, the greatest missionary effort is most often accomplished by those NOT behind the name tag.
Just as the brethren of the church need to be less emphatically concerned over whether or not they're dating an RM...so too should the sisters.
Hey Chaela. Long time no talk. Interesting blog. Still processing it up in the mind area.
Essentially, my thoughts are that for a lot of us females, it is NOT a choice. I tried like the dickens to avoid my mission. Looked for any way out. It found me anyway. I love to jokingly tell people that God forced me on a mission. We make such a thing of guys going, when in reality, there are guys that have no business going. I've seen and experienced some of these gentlemen personally. I don't think Elders necessarily handle missions better... I just think they have more of those "releases" as you called them. They also have more power and responsibility, which gives them added incentive/purpose. If something needs to change, I think it would be that balance. Sisters' voices are often ignored because anything they say is more a "quaint suggestion." Maybe we're supposed to just glad for the chance to be there. But I sure as hell didn't feel that way.
Of course, I could just be projecting my personal feelings, because heaven knows, my mission was likely not like yours. The circumstances we're placed in on missions allow us to grow, for good and for difficult. The reactions, however, differ substantially. I met my fair share of crazy sisters. I also met my fair share of insane elders. It's not that the sisters are worse- it's just that we're fewer in number, and what we do, and how we say it, sticks out in a sea of testosterone.
Anywho, the standard should be the same- I agree it's not just something to do for kicks and giggles. I also agree that ward missionaries are the best missionaries because people see that the gospel is lived by real people, and not super groomed, righteous robots. However, gender aside, D&C 4 sums it up for me. If you have desire, then go and do. If you don't... don't. It really is that simple. We just complicate it by giving in to the horrendous pressure of family/friends and their expectations for us.
Now I may be out of line on this one, and let me know if I am,but I have this sneaky suspicion that sisters feel compelled to go by the feminists in of world that say women must compete with men. So when women hear that men must serve, but women it's not obligatory, they feel like they should go anyway, and the prophet is just saying that. The world repeats how unnecessary the family is, so sisters don't feel like marriage is really that important, even though it has been said to be the most important calling, even above a prophet. Thoughts/feelings welcomed.
Thanks for writing this.
The importance of missionary work (bringing other closer to God) is so much grander than most of the things mentioned. Many of the things mentioned seem somewhat petty but other things are true. Things happen for a reason and we face trials so that we can overcome them and learn lessons. If one truly understood the gospel, then they would understand that the eternal perspective is what really matters. No earthly perspective should cloud our minds and get in the way of the goal that each member has; to return to our Heavenly Father and help others to do the same. Be careful how you treat eternal and sacred works. That being said, missionary work is hard but not impossible and blessings will come to any who choose to serve. We are all children of God just trying to make our way through the world.
my now husband served his mission in the course of our relationship. while he was gone, we both still considered ourselves to be in a committed relationship and didn't pretend we had broken up and didn't believe it hurt his missionary work like many teach (i need to emphasize that that was right for us--each couple or person woman or man will and should feel differently as appropriate for them). "waiting" (oh how i hate that phrase) for a missionary isn't something i ever intended on doing and wasn't something i enjoyed, but he was the right person for me to marry so we went through that together.
i supported him, but struggled with the same conclusion that you mention: if families are the most important thing, why is he on a mission instead of marrying me? i really like what my mom told me, which was that all good things come in time and order and that we have different priorities at different times. if a woman decides to serve a mission, she's putting down families as much as a man is when he decides to serve (hint: he's not). i wasn't "waiting" because i was a girl and he wasn't going because he is a boy. the degree to which our story is cliche says a lot of things about us that aren't true. i felt it was the right thing for me to do to continue my education, he felt it was right for him to go on a mission--our story just happens to fit inside a traditional lds narrative--and we both felt that improving and staying in our relationship was our top spiritual priority WHILE we went to school and on a mission.
i do applaud you for bringing up mental illness and missionary work. i feel very strongly that binary approaches to religion, as missionary work epitomizes, are very harmful to the human psyche and that many missionaries suffer depression and other difficulties and may not receive help. (my husband's mom refused to sign his mission papers until he removed depression from his medical form because she doesn't, as some lds people still do, believe it is real.)
we are now married and have continued to make our relationship a priority as we felt was pleasing to heavenly father. i feel it's important to add, though, that we haven't rushed into having kids and probably don't plan to have them for a little while more. i feel that pressuring women to go on a mission and pressuring them to get married and have kids are the same level of inappropriate.
someone also mentioned feminism: i'm a feminist and believe most feminists would say that women and men should have equal opportunity and support to go, but that neither men NOR women should be pressured or ostracized for choosing to or not to go.
As i read your post, i have many mixed feelings. I too understand the debilitating effects of depression on a mission. I am one of those sisters that would mystify you that left a fiancee and decided to go on a mission. (the lord told me to go, so i did) The interesting thing with missions is that with as much as you learn on a mission, life teaches you more about those lessons the longer you are home. I returned from my mission a short 10 years ago and how those lessons i learned on my mission have changed meaning.
i also think you are comparing apples to oranges when saying that member missionaries are more needed than missionaries. These are two VERY different roles. A member missionary is there to support and encourage those brought to the gospel and baptized by missionaries. They take over where the full time missionaries leave off. Full time missionaries are called to be special representatives of Jesus Christ. The missionaries are called to teach and prepare someone for baptism.
I do not know if you intended your post to sound this way, but it sounds very discouraging to women to serve. WE should have encourage sister AND elders to do what the lord is telling them to do regardless of whether it is to serve a mission or get married, ! That is the key to a happy life. When one aligns themselves with the will of Christ, regardless of going on a mission or not, that is when they will learn and grow the most. that is when the knowledge, maturity and growth occurs. It is NEVER our place to judge why a person choose to go or not to go, or what supposed "gospel principles" they gave up or didnt understand so they could go on a mission.
its also very discouraging to see, that now because sisters serve they dont understand the importance of marriage. It is just as bad as saying a sister only serves because she cannot get married. again this boils down to we have NO place to judge why a person chooses to serve.
My ex-wife was a returned missionary. Big mistake.
I don't really agree with many of your assumptions, but your writing is YOUR work and about YOUR experiences. My mission experience was completely different. I dealt with the stresses by making sure I exercised, even in a place with 8 months of sever winter. I NEVER got depressed, even with depressed companions (maybe because of the aforementioned daily exercise). I decided way before I turned 21 (back in the day that you had to be 21 as a sister) that I wanted to go on a mission. I dated as much as I wanted before and after and it changed my life. I'm sure the things you spoke of are some people's reality...but there are other realities that are just as valid. I have a beautiful daughter that is on a mission in the Baltics and my opinion is that sister missionaries are very valuable in the work of bringing souls to Christ. They can get into doors that sometimes elders can't and bring a very different set of skills to the work. I appreciate your words, however, and know that there are some young women for whom these words will make all the difference in deciding what to do with their next 18 months.
I’m an RM sister, and I agree that the social pressures involved in deciding whether or not to go on a mission are unfortunate, for both guys and girls. I do, however, disagree with a lot of this blog. I don't think that one can expect a pre-missionary to fully understand why they are going on their mission. Before you’re actually out there, before you’ve been out there a while, you cannot understand it, in my opinion. I definitely didn’t. I went because I knew that the gospel had blessed my family and because I wanted to set an example for my wayward little brother (who is leaving on his own mission soon! Yay!). I went for selfish reasons too -- I wanted to learn, I wanted to do something hard, I wanted any advantage in being a mom in the future that I could get. Selfish. I figured out after a while that the mission had nothing at all to do with me. And its the best decision I’ve made and I think that anyone with any kind of desire should consider going. That’s what I believe.
One other thing that might be out of the realm of this blog -- I served in a country that hasn’t had the gospel for very long, and let me tell you, this country desperately needs RMs. The handfulls of RMs in the wards and branches are literally holding the church together in this country. And that’s not to say that I didn’t see great leaders who weren’t RMs. But in 3rd world countries where kids don’t learn anything about leadership in school, where they are not able to see beyond their poverty, where things like college have never really been considered, missions open doors that do not otherwise exist. Kids learn motivation to work hard. They see the power of education. They learn how to be leaders. They learn the principles of the gospel. And then they are so much more capable of returning, marrying in the temple, and being productive members of their communities, not living in poverty. They are able to be leaders. They are so much more prepared for lifetime service in the church. It is a miracle. Missions do miracles for these kids and their future families and wards. In countries where the gospel is well established, things are different. But trust me, in these new countries, the kids need to go on missions so that the church can be maintained.
Also, I love Chaela (the blog author), she's one of my favorite people :)
I have recently been called to serve a mission, and i have to tell you that opening that call letter and preparing to serve has been one of the biggest blessings and most exciting things in my life. I have felt the hand of God in my life and am so grateful for this opportunity to serve. I love the Sister Missionaries in my ward and have had so many good talks with them about the Gospel and i can feel of their Spirit. I know they have blessed my life and i cannot wait to be able to show my gratitude to our Heavenly Father by teaching His Children that they are loved so much more than they could ever imagine. I also have been a ward missionary this summer and can also testify to the wonderful influence members can have on those seeking light, truth, and love. I have a lot of my friends going on missions right now, but some that are also staying home. But i know that my friends that are going are going because they love this Gospel and feel like this is the path for them-- not to avoid anything, but to serve God. These girls are such gems and have blessed my life. Also, my guy friends have made me more excited to serve a mission as they are serving theirs faithfully. I also know that my female friends that have decided not to serve a full time mission also love this Gospel immensely, and i love all of them. As we have all pondered and prayed, the Lord was able to show us the path that would shape us into the people He needs and i have no doubt that my mission will help shape me into what the Lord needs me to do. However, i also cherish friendships of those girls who have decided not to serve and are able to help the lives of so many around them and i have so much faith in them. Missions are a tremendous blessing, and i am so glad that we all have the blessing of counseling with loved ones and Priesthood leaders when we question where we can bless our fellow man the most. I love the Lord and the Gospel He has blessed to be ever so present in my life-- and i look forward to on my mission and throughout my life helping others to be able to feel of God's love and to serve them.
You're an idiot.
"Anonymous said...
You're an idiot."
Really?
Way to bring a constructive counterargument to the table. You're really showing your caliber as a reasonable, intelligent person.
Seriously...wow.
Thanks for all of your comments! I love them! Your opinions are important and help me.
I didn't realize so many people would read what I wrote. I do regret that my blogpost doesn't mention that I fully support and love the sister missionaries in the field. (And elders.) Most sisters are doing the right thing and following the promptings the Lord has given them and I truly believe, and can see, that they are changing the world. I love that.
I do, however, attend BYU where I'm inundated with questions about my mission and I hear too many questions like "how often do you get to hang out with the elders on P-days?" and "do you go on so many dates because you're an RM?" And I just wanted to have one place I could send all of the girls that are asking me all of the wrong questions.
It was interesting to read this!
I think though the pressure thing would more be a problem maybe where the church is strong.. But it can also be a blessing I never had that strong support since I'm not from where the church is strong and everything had to come from within me instead which can be really hard but also strengthening.. My sister went a year to byu before going and she got really pumped and excited for it so that helped her get ready I know both of us were meant to serve although our missions were very different as are we and the things we learned.. And that's the same for some the best thing is a mission for some not.. I really don't think sister missionaries are the worst though I think there are all kinds serving at Temple Square you see all kinds and it's kind of cool because I think it even broading your perspective of what being a woman is.. I'm going to say though that if you have problems before the mission like you said they aren't exactly likely to get easier to deal with during the mission.. I had some depressions as well during the mission that though doesn't stop me from saying I think it's worth it... When you have a hard time you learn a lot I found.
And I think the lord teaches you very vividly how to help people by helping you go through what other people go through.. So my experience really helped me learn more about how other people feel and go through spiritually and because of that help me to help them.. it's hard and I felt completely drained by the end of my mission but I wouldn't have learned the things I did if it weren't like that.. I also had some pretty amazing experiences and you really can see how God is in your life. Coming home you still see those things. I think though that you do become a better member missionary from serving a mission and stuff not saying you can't do the work without going just think it's true that you have an easier time to know how to do the work.
This was really interesting to read. I'm coming at this from having been off my mission for almost 10 years. So I never faced all the pressure there is now on all the young single women to go serve. I can't believe girls ask you if you date more b/c you're an RM. Things have changed so much so quickly.
Ladies, LISTEN UP. She is SPOT ON.
That is all.
I don't expect people to not tell the truth or not say that some days are crazy hard and you really want to go home. Or there aren't really terribly difficult parts to serving. Or ... anything other than the truth. But I loved my mission, I love the people, I love the Gospel. I love what I learned about the Gospel and about the people. That singular experience brought me to know my Savior better than I think anything else could at that time of my life. Regardless of social pressures, or anything else- how could you not wish that on someone else?
Shame on you! To make it sound like you know better for sisters than their own personal revelation!
I am a sister under call and preparing for my mission. Though I do think that there are some valid points being made here, I have to say that the choice to serve a mission is a very personal thing between you and God. I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. Not for myself, but for Heavenly Father and for his children who have not had the opportunity to hear of his Gospel yet. I am not serving a mission for me. I am not serving a mission because I feel pressured to.
I am serving a mission because I love God.
I love this Gospel and I want others to feel the happiness that it has brought me!
The problem is that this post is focusing on the "me" aspect of a mission. It is an inevitable fact that missions are hard. I expect to have days that will be the hardest of my life. But I know that doing this because I KNOW that it's what Heavenly Father wants me to do, makes that all worth it.
When times get tough, our first instinct should be to turn to God.
Let's not forget President Hinckley's struggles on his own mission to which his father replied saying, "Forget yourself, and go to work."
That is what I plan on doing!
I am not saying a mission is for every sister. Trust me, I'm really not! My best friends have decided that a mission is not part of their plans. And that is a-okay!! They are amazing people with strong testimonies who will do great things in their lives. There is nothing wrong with that! But they all made that decision in a way that is personal to them and their Father in Heaven. As have I.
WE SHOULD NOT BE DISCOURAGING WOMEN FROM SERVING MISSIONS!
We should merely be reminding them that they are beloved daughters of God either way!
And if you feel like you should serve a mission, DO IT!
I have felt such a peace and happiness just having my call that I have never felt in my life.
Just like anything else in life, a mission is whatever you make it.
I don't think its at all fair to say that women who leave an engagement to go on a mission don't understand the gospel. If they really wanted to get married to the man they were engaged to they would. I'm sure most girls don't leave an engagement because they think a mission is more important, they leave because they don't want to get married either because they're not ready or they realize that they are not engaged to the right man.
After a broken engagement a mission looks like a great option to forget what happened and serve the Lord. Maybe that's not the best reason to serve a mission but if a mission looks better than marriage, most likely there was something wrong with the relationship long before she put her papers in.
I really respect your post because it's what you've learnt through your own experiences and study and it's what you really believe/know.
I'm a sister leaving in less than 6 weeks for my mission. I don't agree with most parts of your blog (i was surprised at how annoyed it made me feel?) but i'm not going to pick parts of your blog and tell you 'rarara' this part and that part.
I just wanted to share that it's interesting seeing the different views other people have commented about parts of your post.Some are praiseworthy and others are mildly offended.
'Easier said than done' would be an understatement in my suggestion to remember that this Gospel is
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL & BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLE!
I love the fact that you can share your experiences and relate that back to the Gospel in the way that YOU see it. We see it in our own individual ways but whats so great is that we can always link it to The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I agree with you that it is important to not pressure anyone, female or male, into going on a mission. It is a very personal decision & it is absolutely okay for women and men to decide not to serve a full-time mission.
I disagree with the statement addressed to men: "Don't enable girls to go on missions so much". This statement actually makes me very angry. Hi, welcome to the 21st century where women are no longer the property of men and are free to make our own decisions.
Go on your mission for the right reasons, of course, but don't not go on a mission for the wrong ones.
As an RM of more than 20 years, I really can't disagree with you more. It's not your place, or anyone else's, to judge whether someone else, male or female, should serve a mission.
We all have different things we are led to do. For some, that's serving a mission, and for others it's serving in different ways. I know lots of sisters who are going and lots who aren't, but they are all doing what they feel led by the Spirit to do.
Your stereotypes about sisters (and yes, I realize they are not exclusive to you) are just wrong. Have you never seen elders depressed or socially awkward? Have you never seen young adults who are not missionaries just as depressed or socially awkward?
Encouraging early marriage? Yeah, that will really help the already high divorce rate in the church. Hey, guys, hurry up and escalate your relationship with this girl so she won't go...so in 10 years she'll resent you for stopping her from doing something that she felt she was led to do. If the relationship is strong, it can wait for 18 months if that's what the couple chooses. If they choose to get married because they WANT to (and not because one or both of them are trying to avoid missionary service) then that's great.
We really need to be more supportive of others choices in the church. Your choices are not the same as mine and that's okay.
P.S. Sisters were really respected in my mission, by members, elders, and other sisters. Sure, there were some with problems (as there were some - many - elders with problems) but overall they were beautiful and inspired women doing what they felt called to do and doing their best. I honor it as one of the best experiences in my life. I have 3 daughters and while I certainly won't force them to go, I'll definitely be pleased should they choose this as the path for them. It's an amazing thing to be a part of and for that I don't discourage ANYONE from getting themselves ready to go and serving their best.
Actually, missionaries (male or female) like YOU are the worst. I think that missions for male/females are equally capable of being terrible or excellent, just like the missionary. Since I am not a blogger I will not expound and just leave it at that.
Please reconsider your superlatives.
-one kick ass sister missionary
I'm also a female return missionary, but I think your post is more stereotypes than actual experiences of me or my companions. I went on a mission because I wanted to go since I was a child. I had marriage proposals before, and turned them down because I wanted to go. My husband and I met before my mission, but one of the biggest things that brought us together was that we both learned the same language on our missions. I seriously don't think we would have gotten married if I hadn't gone on a mission because it changed us in ways that helped us be more compatible with each other. Sure - I had companions who were depressed. But, I also had zone leaders and district leaders and saw elders that were depressed. These seem to be problems of ALL missionaries - NOT just the sisters. It makes me sad to see a post like this that reinforces stereotypes about perceived reasons sisters go on missions. My mission president was very vocal about wanting MORE sisters because he felt like the sisters brought something to the areas that you don't get when it's only elders. Maybe SOME people (females AND males) make decisions to go on a mission for the wrong reasons. But, it's certainly NOT just the females!! I think a mission is a great benefit to sisters and to the people they are able to serve.
- Carrie
One thing I do agree with you on. A mission can amplify existing emotional and mental health issues because it can be such a change - possibly different cultural and language, away from home, very difficult work, lots of rejection etc. Male or female, missionaries need to be healthy emotionally, physically, and mentally before they serve.
"When I hear about girls who have boyfriends or break off engagements to serve missions I am mystified. Do they understand the most fundamental gospel truths? I'm really not sure that they do."
Oh honey they were gonna break off that engagement anyways, a mission is just the excuse that no one inappropriately probes for further information on like individual or couple worthiness.
The only point I will agree with you on is that missions are not necessary, that applies for men or women, but we probably have different reasons why we feel that way. I am a bit horrified at yours good golly so much worldly judgement (in the world of Mormon culture/judgment) that has nothing to do with individuals and God and their relationship to the Gospel.
I think that is a person is unsuitable for a mission the likelihood of them being ready for marriage is slim, and unlike a mission which isn't eternal, marriage is so let's not get carried away with the terms you're using. My heavens!
I was thankful for each of my companions, and was lucky that I never had to serve with any of "those" sisters. But who are we kidding? Elders are just as likely if not more likely to be terrible because they are younger and more likely to be pressured to go than because of their choice, and nothing sucks more than a reluctant giver, nametag or not.
I was a great sister. I served with mostly great sisters. It is not all sisters who are terrible, it is people who have attitudes about missions/missionaries (and Mormonism in general) like yours going on missions that make the rest of us look bad.
Now don't anybody bite me here. But I do have a question for Sister Return Missionaries. Seriously, after working perhaps with an individual or a family on your mission, did it bother you even a little that you had to ask Elders to baptize? Just wondering. Other than that, this blog post made some great sense but that should always work both ways..male and female.
Regards,
Jeanne
I agree that neither men nor women should feel pressured into serving a mission.
I agree that many people, including women, have unrealistic expectations for a mission- that it will cure their depression, that all their problems will go away.
I agree that you do not have to go on a mission to be a spiritual/good/temple worthy person. I've known some awesome non-RMs, and some awful RMs- as well as vice versa. A mission does not determine your choices and behavior for the rest of your life.
However, I strongly disagree with your assumption that only rare sisters have been "predestined" to serve a mission. Especially with the recent mission age change- President Monson said that the Lord is hastening His work. More sisters ARE being called. Do some choose to serve for the wrong reasons, and end up going home or disappointed? Yes. But many MORE are being spiritually prepared to go. The Lord needs the sisters. Yes, I believe member missionaries are vital, and can do just as much good as any missionary. But dedicating ALL your time to the Lord and working so closely with the Spirit can work miracles for yourself and others, and NO one should be DIScouraged from doing so.
Well you certainly do make sister missionaries look like the worst. I hope your prideful post accomplished what you were after. Thanks for the inspiring words.
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