I loved someone, deeply. Our fatal flaws collided. I suppose fatalistic empiricism + eternal optimism never was happiness. (positivism v. social constructionism)
Shoulder-shrugging acceptance never was my style. I prefer to engage in shoulder squaring..."in order that we might better bear the burdens of others." (positivism v. social constructionism) (jets v. sharks) (nothing is real)
But never mind that.
Over the last few months I have been thinking. A lot. About what it is I want to do with myself professionally. And I finally have a plan. A real one! That I am beginning to execute with care.
The future feels bright. And it is calling me.
I will not abandon my friends at the prison; I never could. I will always start and end there. I meant what I said above, I do see eternal optimism as my most fatal of flaws. My mother calls it Pollyannaism. I call it the Atonement/the point of being alive. But it can hurt, deeply. Regardless, I will always believe that people are good. People can change. Nothing is set in stone, ever. True tragedy exists when someone sees permanence in a situation that is so very...mortal. (did I mention that nothing is real?) What I am trying to say is, Matthew 25:39-40 will stay with me my whole life. I will never stop that part. But I must take some time and educate (x2).
So. Lessons learned of late?
Not everyone can see many ways around a problem. I can.
I've decided the best place to apply this ability is within the field of educational research and policy.
But first, I need some experience. The plan? Educate, then research, then share. It will take years to learn, aggregate, glean and synthesize. And I may deliver little. But I feel I must try to help build fences instead of advocate for ambulance reform. Our ambulances are decrepit...not meant for the illnesses we're trying to treat in them.
remember this little ditty?
Let us stop at its source all this mischief, ' cried he,
'come, neighbors and friends, let us rally;
if the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense
with the ambulance down in the valley.'