What if I turn 35 and I don't have the life I daydream of and plan for?
What then?
Idealism can Catch-22 you. You can't become something you never first imagined [dare to dream, etc]. But unrealized expectations can be a recipe for unsatisfaction. And no matter where I am, even if it's not the snapshots I've been slowly developing in my visually-stimulated darkroom of a brain, I want to be happy. And satisfied. And I will. I just now decided I will. So, whatevs.
But still. What if?
Syd and I talked once of the picture you have in mind of your marriage. She learned that most [single] people have a scene that plays in their head when they imagine their future marital state. Mine is laughing together at the breakfast table. I'll have frosted mini-wheats and some canteloupe, he'll have Lucky Charms and toast. We'll laugh together. I like breakfast. I think it's important. I can't wait to eat breakfast when I'm 35 and feel satisfied. No matter what.
[this photo is from one of my favorite photographers' project '$2 portraits' -- it's brill. check it out].
6 comments:
Chaela, I love your blog! You are awesome!
TRUE THIS.
I love you.
RIGHT?! truer words were never spoken.
chaela, so I just noticed that you put me on your friends list, thanks so much for thinking of me when it comes to that. I must tell you though that I have changed my web address to www.karchergirl.blogspot.com if you want to change it and keep me on your friends list.
P.S. I hope your mission preparations are going as planned and you are so excited.
Thanks, Chaela. I've been feeling unsatisfied with my life lately and that helped. It helped a lot. I miss having you as a roommate. You and Syd and Kristen. That was really fun. So I'm going to say this, even though I know that words don't mean as much to you as actions do: Thanks for being such a good roommate. You continue to inspire me even now.
The bit about breakfast made me think of the end of this week's "Parks and Recreation". Something like "why would anyone eat anything other than breakfast". I would add that sometimes life tosses you in directions you didn't even consider...for the best. Better than the vision you have in your head. Miss you already.
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